Terror Strikes Central Texas Oilfields
Similar to the brown bear who recently came out of hibernation to immediately eat 43 baby moose, 13 reindeer and an unknown number of Swedish house cats, the Boogie Man comes back from vacation in the Bahamas to rein mayhem on Central Texas oil facilities over the weekend...
Above...like a scene from the movie Twister, a 400 bbl. oil stock tank with the Sunoco tank numbers all over it, explodes, then collapses, and is blown 50 years out in the middle of the highway. A 68 year old lady trying to get home to feed her cows has the tank land in front of her; she veers left and drives her pickup (see tire tracks) over the tank, turns her pickup over, is life-flighted to Austin and is reported to be in good, stable condition still muttering, "what the hell was THAT!" Behind her an entire tank battery is engulfed in flames and a half million dollars in oil and surface equipment is destroyed. The facility is located in Burleson County, near Sommerville. A spokesperson for Chesapeake, the operator, mumbled to the press that the company has no idea "what the hell just happened."
A local Dairy Queen manager is said to have seen this person on the left running down the highway after the explosion. If you see this person you are asked to report his whereabouts to your local sheriff immediately.
Later that same evening the suspect was reportedly seen in a 24 hour Valero station in La Grange at around 3 AM when he bought a 24 ounce coffee and a dozen glazed doughnuts.
Wired on sugar and caffeine, Mr. Boogie's last stop for the night is a good one, 60 miles south of Sommerville.
Here Mr. Boogie plugs pop-off valves on a vertical separator/cone shaped sand trap and tries to send the vessel into space. At lift-off the legs on the tank come completely out of their concrete bases; the vessel then separates into two pieces at a welded seam and flips the bottom of the tank completely upside down. On reentry the tank falls on two horizontal knockouts completely destroying them and sending 180 barrels of oil and water shooting over the entire tank battery and into the firewall.
His last dastardly deed done for the night the Boogie Man disappears like a vampire in fear of daylight, whereabouts unknown.
Five hands, including the boss and the boss lady, Ms. Catherine, and two vacuum trucks are left to clean up the mess and untangle the carnage. The boss went home that evening to drink scotch and was last heard mumbling he had no idea what the hell just happened. Over 50 BOPD is now down for an untold number of days, waiting on repairs to the tank battery facilities.
See you around, Mr. Boogie Man. You evil bastard.