Shale R Us Announces 2019 Guidance
Shale R Us Corp. made it through 2018, barely, mostly because OPEC helped raise oil prices and because Trump put the thumb on the FED about interest rates. Its corporate guidance for 2019 is pretty much a carbon copy of 2018's and is essentially based on ...hope.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE; 4.29.19, 05:00 GMT
Shale R Us Corporation, symbol: SOL on the Peruvian Stock Exchange, was an Oklahoma based
corporation but is now headquartered in Southern Arizona where we can flee across the boarder quickly, if need be. We are actively engaged in unconventional shale development in North America. SOL sold all of its Eagle Ford and Bakken production in 2017, what little there was left of it, and all of our corporate copying machines, to exit our 3rd bankruptcy in seven years. We are now pleased to announce the borrowing of yet another 512 million dollars, as hard as that is to believe, and the renewal of a contract for 12 H&P Flex rigs that will allow us to keep drilling the Ben Dover Propect in the Midland Basin, please see below.
Ben Dover Ranch 1-12-H Wells, Martin County, Texas; Downspacing the Shale R Us Way. The Ben Dover prospect, after a year of over drilling, now looks like 3 wine racks stacked on top of each other.
Billy Dee Bits, the CEO of Shale R Us, seen here in an interview with Oily Stuff.com in 2014, https://www.oilystuffblog.com/single-post/2017/12/04/Shale-Oil-CEO-Losses-Everything has this to say about his company's 2018 losses and 2019 guidance in a recent conference call:
"We are thrilled about OPEC lowering its production rates in 2019, and more Trump induced sanctions, so we at Shale R Us can raise our production. I mean, its America, and we're by God entitled. Early in February we secured more capital, at 14% interest rates, and accordingly we intend to drill the snot out of all our remaining acreage in the Permian Basin as fast as we can. To help create interest in investing in SOL (please!!) we have now arbitrarily lowered our sliding scale breakeven price to below $23 per BOE and have all those dumb 'analysts' at Seeking Alpha hyperventilating about our short term productivity gains. We are going to rock Saudi America in 2019 with our new "Master Blaster" frac technology and some 1.50MM BOE EUR wells. Divide that by half, which you should always do with shale EUR's, and we still might even drill a few wells that will payout. Hopefully. Nothing looks like it will in 2018 but the shale oil industry is about to turn the corner and generate free cash flow everywhere, Shale R Us included.
Shale R Us Corporation production profiles from its Midland Basin properties, left. Please note the really good looking well on top was mistakenly reported to the TRRC as oil. It was actually water. Our bad.
We overuse the BOE metric at Shale R Us all the time, because it makes our economics look better than they actually are, but truth is natural gas doesn't really matter too much since we're flaring the snot out of the stuff anyway. If oil prices collapse in 2019, again, because everyone out there in West Texas is going nuts or OPEC gets tired of our shit... what the hell; we don't need high oil prices to be "resilient," all we need is more capital. If we run out of money, we'll just go get us some more money. Them fellers up there in New York seem to have plenty of it.
We continue to believe there is a chance, however slim that might be, that we will get bought out by some other dumb shale oil company, for $73,000 per net acre, and we're clinging, desperately, to that possibility. Management has now taken to going to church, regularly, in 2019.
We at Shale R Us want our remaining shareholders, all 29 of you, to know we are not in this shale "revolution" thing for the long haul; we are in it to make some quick bucks and get the hell out before the roof caves in. Our corporate goal is to help raise the United States' national debt, drain all of West Texas' groundwater resources, export our nations remaining oil reserves to China as fast as humanly possible and leave behind a shit-pot of debt. We believe that will make America great again. For a while, anyway. When America has no more oil left it will be in deep doo-doo. But Shale R Us will be long gone by then and frankly, we don't care."
Billy Dee Bits, CEO, Shale R Us Corporation
End Press Release
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Cautionary Statements: Readers are cautioned not to place undue reliance on forward-looking statements, which speak only as of the date on which such statement is made. Should one or more of the risks or uncertainties described in this report or our Annual Report on Form 10-K occur, or should underlying assumptions prove incorrect,
the Company's actual results and plans could differ materially from those expressed in any forward-looking statements and it will NOT be our fault. All forward-looking statements are expressly qualified in their entirety by this cautionary statement. We are not liable for anything.
Shale R Us has lied in the past. We have already crapped out on several billion dollars of debt. We don't pay vendors on time, or not at all, and deduct whatever costs we can from production before writing royalty checks, when we write them. What little production we have, has six liens on it. Sue us and you won't get squat. We've had to impair reserves five times since 2013 and our SEC filings are all barely legal; read our financial reports at your own peril. We'll lie again in the future or otherwise do and say whatever we have to do to stay afloat waiting for $200 oil prices. That's our only hope. With us, past performance is always indicative of future results. Buy shares of SOL at your own risk, but please buy them. Boat loads. Potential investors please call 1-800-HEP-FAST; our staff is anxiously awaiting your call. If you don't own a shale oil well, we can fix you up, pronto.